Up in the air

I'm writing this blog from 30,000 ft since they now have wi-fi in the air.  It's amazing the things that not so long ago seemed impossible.  I'm on my way back to PA from visiting my aunt in Tucson.  It was a last minute trip, booked on Wednesday for Friday - Sunday, because she is in the hospital and not doing well.  Despite the fact that we have no blood relation, she is my soulmate in the family.  She's always 'gotten" me, and I her in a way that baffles others.  It's hard to watch her die.

Thanks to a number of medical mistakes, the chances of her functioning again are slime.  She can lay in bed and talk a little, but that's about it.  She's got tubes connecting her to all parts of the room and a number of contraptions that make truly annoying sounds (not to mention the woman who makes the intercom announcements & sounds like a phone sex operator).  She nauseous and in pain, and every time she dozes off for a second, someone comes in to wake her up to poke and prod her.

This summer, when we started to broach the topic of her mortality, I was really angry.  Somehow, I'm now okay with whatever she decides to do.  She's been miserable for weeks, and if the eternity that stretches ahead of her holds no great improvement- I can't say that I wouldn't want to bow out too.  She says she'll let me know once she makes a decision.  Until then, things are up in the air.